MAPLEWOOD, NJ — The teenage years can be difficult enough without the added distress that comes when injurious adults prey upon children. Maplewood resident and therapist Laurie Levine explores the trauma that can result from one form of inappropriate relationship between an adult and teenager in her debut novel, “Now I Know It’s Not My Fault.”
The self-published novel focuses on Alex Gellar, a teenage girl with a dead mother and a distant father who falls into a traumatizing relationship with her seemingly cool but actually damaging teacher. Throughout the novel, Levine follows Alex as she becomes enchanted with this teacher and ultimately abused mentally and at times physically. Levine takes a raw look at adults who “groom” children to enter an unhealthy relationship and sexualize them, creating a trauma bond that leaves emotional scars.
Levine, who has been practicing as a family therapist for more than 20 years, said she wanted to explore the trauma bond that forms over time — the book spans three years in the 1980s — rather than focus on the type of trauma that is formed from one instance.
“I have lots of experience with people with trauma histories. A lot of people who come in with signs of trauma have some sort of traumatic event in their past,” Levine told the News-Record in a Jan. 27 phone interview. “Sometimes there are signs without a specific event. You look into their history and you find a past where an adult crossed boundaries.”
And that is essentially the main modus operandi of Paula Hanover, the novel’s abuser. Paula tries too hard to be her students’ friend and crosses lines in discussing her personal life; as a result of discussing her and her students’ sex lives and touching them inappropriately, though not illegally, she sexualizes the students — creating sexual abuse in which there is no sexual contact.
But Levine is quick to point out that, just because the students were not raped, it does not mean there are no consequences.
“It is confusing and ultimately damaging,” Levine said. “If it happens often enough, it can have the same kind of damage.”
Levine had been considering writing her novel for some time, wanting to focus on the idea of “under-the-radar abuse,” but it was not until the 2014 arrest of Nicole Dufault that Levine felt inspired to complete her project. Dufault, a former English teacher at Columbia High School, has been charged with having sexual intercourse and sexual contact with six of her male students.
“When that happened, I started thinking about the broader range of abuse and abusive behavior that falls under the radar,” Levine said. “Abuse where a woman is the abuser tends to fall under the radar because society doesn’t see women in this role.
“I was moved to write this story about a woman who is an abuser,” Levine said, adding that she wanted to bring to light that someone can be an abuser regardless of gender. “There are adults who use kids in this sexualized way that can be really damaging.
Levine hopes “Now I Know It’s Not My Fault” will make readers aware of the various kinds of abuse and will draw attention to the fact that anyone can be victim because everyone has certain vulnerabilities in their life. She explained that, on paper, Alex does not seem like someone who would be abused; she is wealthy, comes from an accomplished family, lives in an upscale neighborhood and so on.
“Any kid can be vulnerable,” Levine said. “Kids can be vulnerable to dangerous adults. Any kid can be vulnerable given the right circumstances.”
As such, Levine points out: “Any kind of weird, creepy relationship that leaves a kid feeling uncomfortable needs to be paid attention to.”
In the novel, some of Paula’s boundary-crossing actions include discussing her sex life with Alex, giving Alex rides home from school nearly every day, taking Alex on errands with her and ultimately spanking Alex.
While the message the book gives is vital to Levine, writing this novel was also a chance for her to hone her craft and learn what makes a compelling novel — and she certainly cracked that secret.
For instance, Levine explained that she set the novel in the 1980s because she wanted a focused look at Alex’s life without the distraction of modern technology.
“I wanted to show Alex alone with her feelings,” Levine said. “I wanted to show relationship development without the internet, without stalking each other on Facebook. I wanted organic relationship development.”
She also took her time creating Alex, who she said is a composite of many people she has met throughout her career.
“None of it is based on any one person or one story,” Levine said. “Alex isn’t anybody and she’s everybody.”
And Levine enjoyed the process of writing, as well. She takes the reader to Jewish sleep-away camp with Alex, saying that those scenes were some of her favorite to write; she enjoyed focusing on the deep yet healthy relationships formed at camp, the safe atmosphere, and the relationship Alex has with one counselor, Erica, who is supportive and caring without ever crossing the line.
Most satisfying for Levine, however, is the scene in which Alex begins to understand that she is being abused.
“The moment for me, where Alex really gets this is what’s happening, was very satisfying to write,” Levine said.
This scene does not happen until near the end of the book; although throughout the novel Alex feels uncomfortable with her relationship with Paula, she is unable to see that complexity of it before that moment.
At one point in the novel, Alex’s father, who is somewhat suspicious, asks her: “Did something happen?” As a teenager who is in this relationship, Alex is unable to fully process the question, which Levine describes as ambiguous. To Alex, her father is asking a different question: Is there a sexual relationship? The answer is no, and Alex does not think about it again. Levine suggests that parents ask more direct questions, such as: Did anything happen that made you feel uncomfortable?
Levine told the News-Record she would like to write a second novel, looking at Alex’s life in her mid-20s, now that she has matured and grown. According to Levine, one’s 20s is an interesting time of life and she would like to explore how Alex’s life was impacted by her difficult childhood.
But for now, she is pleased with “Now I Know It’s Not My Fault.”
“It’s an important story for teenagers and parents,” Levine said. “Obviously it’s a hard story, but it’s a good story because you see Alex’s resilience.”
At the end of the book, Levine includes a list of resources for those who suspect they may be seeing signs of child abuse. For more information on how to recognize the signs of child abuse, visit www.trauma-pages.com and visit www.stopitnow.org.
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