Barbara Wakeman Milbank Van Doren

Barbara Wakeman Milbank Van Doren, beloved mother, sister, aunt and friend, passed away peacefully on September 18, 2024 at 99-1/2 years young. Barbara was born March 28, 1925 to parents Edith and Harold Milbank in a small private hospital, a building still standing in Maplewood, NJ as the Ethical Culture Society. She was the first in her family to be born in a hospital. Youngest of three siblings, Barbara would spend her life close to her brother, Robert Milbank, and sister, Edith Milbank Corbin. She grew up on Hillside Place, South Orange, next door to her cousins, and attended Montrose School followed by the Beard School (as an Athenian; class of 1943) and Katherine Gibbs Secretarial School. Following graduation, she worked at the Bank of New York; later at Columbia High School; and Chubb & Son, Inc. As a child, she enjoyed playing tennis and field hockey, and swimming in the town pool (indoor at that time), all activities she shared with her own children in later years. She made lifelong friendships and found her lasting love of dogs first with Digby, named from family summers in Nova Scotia.
In 1948, she fell in love and married Lawrence Norton Van Doren who had grown up just a few blocks away. Five years later, they moved to their long-term home on Glenside Road. There, she and Larry raised their three children—Fred, Durand and Jane—and delighted in doting on their 10 wonderful grandchildren and four lovely great- grandchildren. Between summers at the Jersey shore and holidays in South Orange, Barbara and Larry were at the heart of the joyous chaos. After nearly 61 loving years dancing and laughing together, Larry passed away in 2009.
Barbara led a vibrant life in South Orange, fueled by her love of all people and unending curiosity. Barbara built beautiful friendships with a wonderful group of neighbors through connections on family, gardening, dogs, and politics during her daily walks with her Springer spaniel, Sam. Barbara was deeply involved in her community. She loved helping beautify public spaces with the Garden Club of the Oranges, served on the board of the Orange Orphan Society, and participated in the Junior League. She was a devoted member of the Episcopal Church of St. Andrew and Holy Communion from early on, and helped her church community thrive by holding many positions, including treasurer and member of the Altar Guild. She loved learning, taking classes, exploring, and absorbing information from friends and neighbors. She also helped found the St. Andrew Book Club as well as participating in the Traveler’s Club where members would report to each other about new places far and wide. She always had music on at home, and enjoyed going with friends to the latest shows at SOPAC or the simulcast Met operas. Invariably, she dressed impeccably. An avid reader of the news, Barbara was passionate about voting and civic involvement.
After 96 years in South Orange, Barbara moved to live with her daughter Jane and son-in-law David in Virginia where she was surrounded by family until her passing. When she departed, the Township of South Orange honored her as a pillar of the community and a lifelong villager. And, of course, they had a big party.
Barbara is survived by her children, Frederick L. Van Doren (Laurie) of Clifton Springs, NY; Durand H. Van Doren (Sandra) of Trumansburg, NY, and Jane M. Van Doren (David) of Vienna, VA; her grandchildren; great grandchildren; many loving cousins; and countless treasured friends.
Memorial services will be held at 11am on Saturday November 2, 2024 at the Church of Saint Andrew and Holy Communion, 160 W. South Orange Avenue, South Orange, New Jersey. In lieu of flowers, please make contributions to Jespy House, Girls Helping Girls Period, or the Church of St. Andrew and Holy Communion. Barbara was an ardent supporter of each.