Two towns’ girls learning to stand up and speak out

MAPLEWOOD/SOUTH ORANGE, NJ — One local group of 7- to 10-year-old girls from Maplewood and South Orange proves the value of girl power each day through lessons learned from Stand Up Girls, an organization that empowers its young participants to stand up for both themselves and others.

Entering its third season in February, Stand Up Girls, which meets once a month at the Baird Center in South Orange, always boasts a full house.

The group is the brainchild of South Orange mom Danielle Mann, an advertising executive at Hearst who started Stand Up Girls back in September 2014 as a communication outlet for parents and their children.

“I started it because I felt it was easier for my daughter and me to speak about things in front of her friends (and their parents), more so than just between her and me,” Mann said in a recent interview with the News-Record. “It’s sort of a ‘community within a community,’ and also it’s really important for parents to be invested in their girls and this group allows for that, and for all of us to talk about some tricky stuff involved with growing up.”

In addition to creating a safe space for dialog with their parents, the group also provides a safe space for the girls to hold complex conversations with one another on a range of topics.

The interest in the group has been overwhelming, so much so that after facilitating a workshop on conflict resolution one week, Maplewood mom and Columbia Law School professor Alexandra Carter decided to stay on with the group as a co-facilitator.

Each month, under the leadership of Mann and Carter, the girls come to the group with their parents eager to learn more about themselves and their peers, and how to build a positive mindset about their abilities. Everything in the room the group uses at the Baird Center reflects the mission of the group to empower the girls to make their thoughts known and their voices heard, including the logo, which they designed, and the house rules, which are displayed prominently at the front of the room and reviewed at each session.

The girls aren’t the only ones who walk away with increased knowledge of and sensitivity to the complex issues they face on the cusp of their tween and teen years; many of the parents in the group have been able to have new conversations with their daughters as a result of attending with them.

One of the unique attributes of the group is that it is not a mother-daughter dynamic; rather, fathers are welcomed and encouraged to attend so that they too can be involved in the growth process of their daughters.

“We believe in the importance of having positive role models, both male and female, and that being supported in who you are is really important. We didn’t make it just moms because that would exclude some of the families in our community, and every parent has a role to play,” Carter said. “Parents have been talking about needing tools to help their daughters navigate friendships in a time when there is so much pressure to conform in a society that wants us to be a paragon of perfection. We want to encourage each girl that who she is will be enough and she shouldn’t change.”

Many of the parents who attend have already noted positive changes within their daughters as a result of being exposed to the collaborative environment of Stand Up Girls.

“My daughter Anya loves the idea of an hour and a half totally focused on her and her friends and the issues that they’re dealing with and from their perspective,” group mother Marjorie Terry said in a recent phone interview with the News-Record.” She’s always so excited to go and the girls are always so eager to participate no matter what the topic is and they have so much to say, it’s a very unique opportunity for parent and child.”

Though her daughter has no issues with shyness, Terry said she has noted a new awareness in her daughter as a result of the sessions that focus on bullying and how to stand up for others.

“What has been great with my daughter is that the conversation between us has changed and we have a shared vocabulary about not being a bystander, whether you are being bullied or not,” she said. “We continue those conversations at home. I think she is much better prepared for when conflicts do happen. We have conversations about inclusion and I think that it’s great that she has something beyond the bullying prevention classes they have in school a couple of times a year.”

And the dads are seeing the benefits of the program as well.

Doak Sergent, whose 9-year-old daughter, Louisa, joined the program in the beginning of the current school year, heard about the group from Mann and hoped that it would be an opportunity for his daughter to develop key life skills and to put her in a positive environment with other girls her age.

“I think that it is a safe space and I have seen changes in her, just through the fact that she is a typically shy kid and has engaged in the sessions and raised her hand and participated more than I expected her to and she’s been really responsive to it,” he said. “Messages like this shouldn’t be a singular communication: It’s not a girl’s or women’s issue, it’s an everyone issue and a topic that deserves attention.”

In each session, a different girl has the opportunity to stand up and speak in front of the group.

“As professional women, both Danielle and I have been in situations that the girls talk about facing, and it’s almost as if we are going back in time to our 8-year-old selves and saying that it is OK to raise our hands and be heard,” Carter said. “I want girls to know if they have a big voice, that is great and they should use it.”

In addition to doing workshops in-house, the group also brings in local women who run their own businesses or have a skill that Mann and Carter feel would be useful to draw on to impart knowledge to the girls.

In particular, they have had women who run health and wellness businesses, though in future sessions they are looking to expand to other areas of interest.

“Essentially the group teaches girls how to stand up for themselves — conflict resolution and self-esteem; stand up for others — anti-bullying and valuing diversity; and stand up as leaders in their community — leadership skills and public speaking,” Carter said in a recent email to the News-Record. “We anticipate that in 10 years you will see Stand Up Girls groups all over New Jersey.”

Season three of the group begins Feb. 22. For more information, contact daniellejmayers@yahoo.com.

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Shanee Frazier Eweka

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