A Painted Lady butterfly quickly finds a flower after it is released at the fourth annual butterfly release ceremony on Saturday, Aug. 10.
Van Tassel Funeral Home hosted its fourth annual butterfly release ceremony on Saturday, Aug. 10. Its purpose was a symbolic letting go of personal grief and other emotional burdens brought on by the death of a loved one. The event has grown since its pre-COVID inception, with 35 people in attendance this time and fluttering Painted Lady butterflies in a net container on hand.
Many of the attendees were not from Bloomfield and another 18 people, unable to attend, requested that a butterfly be set free for someone whose name they provided. One solicitation came from distant New Mexico. But people were not the only creatures being remembered. Four family pets, two dogs and two hamsters, had butterflies freed for them.
The butterflies arrived as chrysalises to Angie Koeneker, who founded Include Me Too, a support group for children experiencing grief over someone’s death. Some of the typical questions children ask her at a funeral viewing, which she said were truthfully answered, included if the deceased person was sleeping, would they come home tomorrow and were they wearing their shoes. Donations collected for the butterfly event went to support this group.
Koeneker led the attendees through a simple process, which began with a prayer and a poem. People were asked to say the name of the person for whom the butterfly was meant and their relationship. Most names were of family members. One man, Anthony Valentine
Jr., brought his family. He came from Edison.
“We’re mourning my father, Anthony Valentine Sr.,” he said. “He passed away Aug. 11, 2021. We came here because it signifies what he meant. It’s always good to have emotional support. I brought my two sons, my brother, a family friend and his fiancee. My mother is on the way.”
Marion Spranger, from Colonia, was remembering the Rev. Peter Carey, the former pastor of the Wallington Presbyterian Church, who died Sept. 1, 2021. Spranger is the parish nurse and also works with students in the Bloomfield College nursing program. The future nurses shadow her for one day to learn about parish nursing. Spranger comes to Bloomfield twice a year — for the nursing program and the butterflies. On Saturday, she brought a friend named Isabella.
Two Wallington residents attended: Marguerite Sansone and Nira Helfgott. Sansone was remembering her mother, Doris, who died Dec. 2015. It was her first time at the event. Helfgott was remembering her mother, Esther, who died June 5, of this year. Her mother was a patient of Spranger who brought several people whose loved ones she had nursed.
“I run a bereavement group,” Spranger said. “I offer this event to them if they wish to come.”
Tom McNeilly of Cedar Grove came for the first time for his wife, Patricia, who died in October 2023. Linda Parisi and Diane Nolau, both of Bloomfield, were there. Parisi came for her husband, Jack, who died May 5, 2022. It was her first time at the event. Nolau, who has known Parisi for 32 years — their sons went to the same school — was there for her daughter, Nancy, who died April 2, 2020, at the age of 32.
The proprietor of the funeral home, Izabela Van Tassel, said she started the butterfly release to be of help.
“It’s not only grief people hold onto; it can be anger,” she said. “They may be angry for something about the person. People are mourning or they’re angry with themselves. They hold a grudge. This helps them release it. It’s also a nice way to close the period of mourning and start a new chapter.”
For the people who could not attend but sent a request, Van Tassel said an individual butterfly would be released as the person’s name is spoken by her or Koeneker. They were not cutting any corners and releasing the butterflies all at once.
“We want to remember each person,” Van Tassel said. “Every name has a butterfly. We can just release them all, but we don’t want to do that. One butterfly for each person. It’s more meaningful and special for the family.”
When it was time for an attendee to release a butterfly, it was carefully removed from the container by Koeneker and gently placed in the person’s cup hands. The release took place in the parking lot of the establishment near a flowering bush. One woman said a quiet prayer before opening her hands freeing her captive into the flowers.
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